When I Come Out of the Closet as Transsexual/Transgender

Coming out is not a one time thing. There’s the big ones like family, close friends, work or school etc. But there are also the other coming out times that require thought.

Coming out as trans has a particular set of considerations. I have had conversations with female acquaintances where they have shared more with me than they would have if they had known I was born male. At these times I usually find a way to accidentally out myself and say “Oh, I thought your knew”. It’s better if they know, then they can decide how they want to interact with me.

I’ve thought of wearing Pride symbols, LGBT shirts and rainbows and such. Just put it out there. But most of the people I interact with don’t know. It’s not the thing about me that I want to lead with. I’m not all about my body and gender and such.

This has happened on a number of occasions. So far no one has been too upset but some have pulled back. And that’s fine. It’s not offensive to me when people decide that trans people are outside their comfort zone.

So that’s one reason to come out to someone. To give them an honest representation of who they’re sharing with.

It’s also important to know when not to come out. Lets be clear, I can identify any way and any time I want. No one can tell me different. However, there are times when it can affect the other person negatively, and I never want to do that.

Religious people, for example, may truly be confused and have been taught to believe untrue information. Yes, they should be educated. But just going up to them and telling them may make them uncomfortable. An opportunity will arise when they can gently be made aware and know that they can ask questions if they want to know more.

There are occasions when someone may be expressing ignorant, bigoted opinions. It may be dangerous to come out to this person. Especially if done in front of others and embarrassing him/her. They may get violent to save face. Yet, even in this case, there may be a chance to educate if they eventually open their mind enough to want to understand.

When I started my transition I had a customer base. I had an office I had to go to. I had workmates, a boss, trades people in and out of the job site. So there was no hiding it. That all went pretty well actually.

Dating is another situation. I tell people I’m on a date with immediately. If it’s a man who asks me out, they usually split. Woman as well, but they’re more gentle and understanding about it.

I have received death threats for being me. I have lost my closest friends. One of my favourite people, someone I’ve known and admired since I was a teenager, a lesbian friend and sister in the LGBT family, crushed me with her nonacceptance. That one broke my heart. What’s left of my family wants nothing to do with me, but that one’s mutual, I guess.

Coming out is a personal decision. I always check my motives. I did hurt someone once.

I was helping a librarian stack books at her church. She is a lovely person and would never intentionally hurt anyone.

Somehow we ended up on the topic of LGBT, a topic her church taught misinformation on. She was expressing an accepting attitude but did state that she didn’t understand the ones that mutilated their bodies. I blurted out “Well, I guess I mutilated my body”.

I don’t know why I said it so bluntly. Maybe because I thought she already knew I was trans, and trans people have these surgeries. Who knows. But she was so upset that she thought I was offended. I could have been more tactful.

Our acquaintanceship is fine. I had her and her husband over for dinner not that long ago. They have also felt comfortable asking questions since then, and that’s great!

Sometimes it it really helps to know who does and who doesn’t know I’m trans when we’re conversing.